dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you will always have a special place in my vag
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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