i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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