ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
