Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
