I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
