my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
