i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
