I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
