Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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