im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
