so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
