I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
