My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
