His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
