it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
