I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
home. puking in laundry basket.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
