my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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