My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
