If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
