Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
