definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
