i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
