I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
