is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
