even my farts smell like vagina
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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