haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
