we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Randomize
