...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
