I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
