Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
