Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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