no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk is not a location!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
