I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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