My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
