i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
