when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
