be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
