need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
