He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
