So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
