The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
