remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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