Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
