His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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