Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
