if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
