I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
