You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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