I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
