The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I sprained my soul last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
