Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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