OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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