you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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