I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
